Roy L. Harbin : The DANG - DInGIE American aka,, The Evil White Man

Wee!Gee! prt2 by Roy Harbin

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Infotainment pg1
infotainment pg 2
FIFOII - prt1
FIFOII? part 2
Wee!Gee! Intro
Wee!Gee! prt1
Wee!Gee! prt2
Wee!Gee! prt 4
Wee!Gee!prt 6
Wee!Gee! prt38

Wee!Gee! part two by Roy L. Harbin

    I awoke with the alarm clock in my hand.I think I was about to smack it down on the dresser before the sleep came off me enough to stop myself.I set it down and patted it on it's top,,sort of like an apolegetic gesture that also tapped the alarm off.Opening my bedroom door to head to the bathroom allowed sound from the living room and other parts of the house to assail me.The voices of Mike and Dale and some other ones were coming from the living room,,and I heard the refridgerator close meaning there was also someone in the kitchen.There was music playing and I could also hear the 6 o'clock news below it.Not uncommon for this place.

   As I was stepping down the hallway I heard Mike say,,"It isn't real,,it's just something someone made up." And I then heard a female voice that I didn't recognise say , "I don't care,,I don't want anything to do with it." Looking out into the living room from the entry to the hall which was opposite the bathroom door I could see Mike kneeling on the floor in front of the giant wire spool we used for a table.Dale was sitting on the arm of the couch nearest me and there was a curly haired blonde girl on the couch.As I went to open the bathroom door it was swung open by a short brunette with a cute face and real perky boobs presented quite beautifully by the sleeveless white top she had on.I actually didn't know her face was cute untill the look of shock and startlement left it and she said,, "Wow,,you allmost scared the pants off me.Hi,,you must be the other guy that lives here." , "Yes,I am." ,She said,,with a nice tone to her voice that woke me up a little quicker,,"I didn't know you were here.They said you had to work." , "Well,,I work split shifts so sometimes I take a nap during my break.I have to be back at 7 tonight." ,She screwed her face up in a pouty frown and said,"Aww,that means I will be the odd girl out.My friends said there would be three guys here." , "Hey,,If you're still here when I get off,,I'll see you then.I will probally be done by 11.But I have to go and I do mean go,,so excuse me,please." I went to step around her and she stepped back as if to allow me to walk in while she remained.I looked at her,smiled,then motioned gracefully for her to proceed out the door first.She blushed just a little and brushed by me in that tantalizing way a woman marking a man she likes does.With just a hint of touch with the fingertips across my bare chest,,ticking the hairs and giving me a tingle while making me think to myself that it was good that I had slept in the pair of cutoff levis rather than the other ones that were much thinner.The smell of her,her hair and what ever she had on was nice and hinted of meadows and sunshine tinted with female flesh.She smilingly looked me in the face as she slunk by and I could tell she was a shy person forcing herself to be more outgoing than she was used to.But there was a look behind the smiling eyes that tugged at me enough to ask,, "You will be here then,won't you?" and touch her on the forearm of the hand she had on the door.She said,"Probally,,but I don't know for sure.",with out looking back.She let go of the door knob and was gone into the hall and out into the front room.It seemed the 'front' she had been putting on fell when I touched her arm. Her smell lingered as I chuckled and closed the door so I took in a couple of snoot fulls.It was pleasant.

   Then,,hearing the voices of the folks in the outer room while in the bathroom I began to pay attention to them in the casual hope of over hearing the names of the girls out there.As I did,,the words I was catching caused me to begin wondering what they were talking about.I was catching stuff in snips and snatches due to the music and television as well as which way who ever was speaking was facing when they spoke.

   I heard Mike say,,"Just rest your fingertips on it and then,," ,,then I heard the curly blonde girls voice but it was muddled,,then Dale said,,",, call it a planchette,",,the blonde again,,clearer,,"Why would it move if no one pushes it?",,Mike started to talk but Dale must have stood up and walked toward the kitchen because his voice got louder and then lower as it moved toward that part of the house while he said,, "The spirits will guide it to the words or letters to answer your questions,,wooo-oo--oo", then he started laughing a movie style evil laugh.

   They were obviously talking about something like a ouijie board.That made my thoughts pause.Didn't the trash man take it?If so,,they must have another one.Splashing warm water on my face,head and neck,brushing my face and shaving my teeth I pondered the implications of another board showing up.If John had discovered somehow that I had gotten rid of it,,would he have went and got another one that quick?If so,,what about the 'road kill d'odour'?If that was the 'gotcha' then he would have to of included that as well.And that would mean that Mike or Dale would have been affected by opening it meaning the 'rank prank' would have missed me.That would be cool,,since John seemed to target me this would work out fine.But all that didn't click with a prank that seemed to be aimed at me.Maybe Mike or Dale came up with one.Or the girls with them.That could be it.A coincidental coincident.A coinkydink?What would be the odds of them coming up with one right on the same day and a little after Johns gotcha was launched and fizzled?I would think the odds would be rather slim for that to happen yet,, I have seen odder coincidences.

   By the time I got done with my ablutions and turned off the tap,,the house seemed to have gone silent.Stepping into the hall it was apparent that they had left.The t.v. and stereo were off.Walking through the living room on the way to the kitchen,,I could smell that girls scent still hanging in the air,,but it was battling with some other 'parfooms' that seemed acrid and chemically by comparison.That must be the other two girls perfume,or Mike and or Dales cologne for that matter.Scanning the room as I went through it,,I seen no sign of a ouijie board.Moving into the kitchen to make some coffee,,there wasn't one laying on the table in there either.But there was a note from Mike saying,,"We went to Ambers to hold a seance but I put that money I owe you in that spot.You now where.Seeya later." A seance?Well,,I guess that meant that they do have a ouijie board,,and took it with them.They must have come up with one.Thinking that maybe today may be a good day to buy a lottery ticket since odds against unusual events occuring seem to be falling,I walked into the living room to get the money he mentioned.

   The left side of the front entry doors frame had not been completely caulked which left a lip down the entire side that resulted in a space almost 1/2 inch inch wide and about an inch deep.Being about 2 inches from the wall no one would notice if they didn't know it was there.Starting at the top corner of the frame I began sliding the first two fingers of my left hand down the lip and finally snagged the rolled up bills about halfway down.Hoping he had given me the whole fourty he owed me,,I waited untill I had picked up the remote,turned the t.v.,on flipped to the news and began walking back to the kitchen before I unrolled the bills.There was a twenty and two fives.He still owed me ten,,but he would pay me.

   After making the coffee and getting dressed for work I poured a cuppa and had just sat down when the phone rang.It was John.He recognised my voice from my 'hello' and said,,"Good,,you're up,,I was calling to talk to you.Are you okay?" Putting my plan into action,,I simply said,,"Hi,John,what's up?" His response was kind of breathy and secretive sounding when he asked,"Did you get rid of it?" I wished I could have seen the expression that probally came across his face when I asked him in a totally nuetral tone,, "Git rid of what?" He didn't immediately respond so the expression must have been a really good one.When that pregnant pause was over he said,,"That damn game my sister made me give to you.You do remember the ouijie board I dropped off earlier don't you,dude?" My casual sounding drawn out a little,,"Uh,,oh,,yeah,,you said you're sister that I didn't know you had wanted me to have it or something.Why didn't you tell me you had a sister before?Is she pretty,,how old is she?" was designed to key him up a little in the hope he may mess up and let the wrong info slip.If I could I wanted to trip up his 'gotcha' attempt.

   He said,,"I don't really know her,Domenique is her name,she stayed on the island with my moms sisters family when Dad got the rest of us over here.I wasn't but 4 when that happened and I have never even seen her in person since then." , "Really,,that's sad to have left her there.Did she want to stay or not?" , "Yeah,,she was allready about 15.She had a boyfriend and real close friends that she didn't want to leave,and my mom says her and my aunt were real tight.I used to talk to her on the phone and she would write me sometimes.I wrote her a lot for a while but she sort of stopped responding to my letters a few years ago."

   "So,,why would she want me to have a ouijie board,John?How would she even know about me if you guys haven't talked or nothing for a while?" He sounded a little sad when he replied with,,"Oh,,no,,back when I first met you when I was talking to her about once a week on the phone when she would call my mother.I told her about you back then and I was allways telling her about what we would do and stuff." "Oh,,you just haven't wrote letters back and forth then?" , "Right,,and the phone calls had started slacking back right before she died last September," he let out a soulsick sounding sigh and said in a low almost whispered way,",,I really miss her even if I never seen her."

   The few moments of silence could easily be seen as respectful but the truth was,,I was slightly stunned.My thoughts were churning while I tried to come up with something to say about his obviously truthful staement.I had known John for a while and based on what I knew of him,,he didn't sound like his statement was a lie nor an act.John really can't do either well enough to put that much sincerety into a 'gotcha script'.Well,,based on what I had seen in the time I had known him that is.

   So,,I continued with the data search,,right after I said,,"John,,I wish you had told me,man,,it sounds like you've been hurting over it.we could have at least got a drunk on to see her off and to let you dull the pain while you let it out." , "Actually,,me and my Dad did that about 2 weeks after we heard.He had a bottle of some kind of home made stuff that he said Domenique sent over to him with my cousin a couple of years ago.Man,,that stuff was awesome.Me and him only drank 3 shots each but I was flying for the rest of the night and went to bed and had some freaky cool weird ass dreams all night and slept till like 2 o'clock the next afternoon.Maybe that big ass blunt he rolled had something to do with it,,but I sure got my toasties roasted that night."

   "Sounds like it helped,so that's good,,but why would she want me to have ouijie board,John?What had you been telling her about me?" My mental dialogue continued that sentence with ,,'that would make her phone me from the beyond to tell me about it?' ,, but my tongue stayed still.His reply sounded as sincere as his earlier statement about his sister had,, "I really don't know,man.I did talk to her about you,,but I don't have a clue as to why she would want you to have that game.It was in a package of her stuff that my aunt sent to my mom.The game had a letter in an envelope with my name on it scoth taped to the front of the box ,,it said,,Jonny,,please give this to your friend,,that blonde haired,blue eyed really white Indian guy that lives with the unicycle riding white rat owner and the ferret owning carpet cleaner that drives the maroon van,or something like that.She even said something about the house you guys live in.But Domenique wrote in that French mix language they use over there,,I know you ain't an Indian but otherwise you were the only guy I could think fit the description.And she said that you would know what to do with it"

   As he said that,,I felt myself wanting to slide into the twilight zone vortex that was evidently opening up directly behind.I resisted and instead asked him,, "Okay,,well you know all this is weird,,don't you?" "Yes,,I do,,I'm sorry,man,,I love her dearly and had to do as she asked but she was weird,dude.I hate to say it,,but Domenique was into all that island hoo-doo poo-poo they use over there."

   "What?" ,, I figured I would go ahead and change tact on him a bit since it was getting so wierd,," Voodoo?Really?Are you joking?"

   "Yeah,,really.She was into it,man.She wasn't bad,,it ain't like that according to her and my mom and aunt.She was supposed to be a member of some kind of 'guard squad' that keeps bad things away or fights evil or something like that.I don't know,,I never could make sense out of it,and my mom says it wasn't a bad thing she was doing so she din't think it was a big deal."

   "So your telling me your dead sister,who was a ouijie board using white magic voodoo lady that belonged to some kind of defender group decided to send me a ouijie board before she died almost a year ago?"


   "Are you serious,John?This sounds like the beginning of one of those 'b' grade freaky flicks Dale likes,," Again my internal dialogue kept going ,,,"or a lame attempt at a 'gotcha' of some sort.What are you doing,John,,ummm?Come on,,give me something." Now,,considering the set up included a sensitive element like a 'deceased realative' of a family the odds of it being an actual 'gotcha' did seem slimmer and slimmer.John wasn't like that,,over all he was rather respectful and reasonably sensitive to others about such things.And since I did know his folks,,I don't think he would like his mom getting wind of him using something like this to set up a 'sillytupid' joke.Yeah,,that's how she says that,,when shes irked or angry at us over the silly,stupid jokes we play.No,,she doesn't have a speech impediment and No,,her accent doesn't seem to be to blame either. If there really were a sister that died,,she,,and Johns dad,,would not be pleased,,of that I was sure.If there were a 'living' sister,,I know beyond doubt they would be even more pissed over it.I could hear in my minds ear Johns dads voice asking John,, "Why you wanna call somtin lak dat down on yur sistah,man?",,while his dad beat John profusely about the head and shoulders with the ever present towel he carried.So,,for that to be the case,,John would be way out of character.

   Unless,,someone else is involved.John could be talked into some odd stuff sometimes.If someone were to focus just right and have some kind of incentive for John to take the chance of his folks not catching wind of this,,hummm,,Dale and Mike are the types that could and would if they had a 'wild hair' spring up from the right crack.And Dale is a fan of the stuff,,Mike,,not so much but he does get into the weird world of the weird stuff of the world.All three of us did,,do.Like the 'gotcha game' we all played,,we did enjoy a lot of the same things.We even had a little thing we did as a three man team on occasion which we called,'The Mighty Mental Mind F**k" that sent the unfortunate victim into a mental 'gear slip' that causes them to just stutter and sputter,,uh,huh,wh-what,,huh,what?

   So,,as John was assuring me in a most assuredly sounding assuring manner that he was telling me the 'Gods Honest Truth', I was adding the additional info gained from our conversation to the puzzle pile and calculating the best way to get any other useful info before I hung up and went to work.

   Getting up to go refill my coffee cup,,I inserted this question in a pause of Johns assurances,,which were sounding a tad over done,,,"But why send it to me,,John?And what am I supposed to do with it?I don't have any need or even want to have a need for a ouijie board."

   "I don't know,man,really.Give it away,,throw it away,," a little levity crept into his voice as he continued,,,"just don't sell it,,it's supposed to be bad joojoo to sell hoodoo poopoo tools,,according to my sister,that is.I don't know,man,,do whatever with it,And I apologise for giving it to you,,but you know I had to,right?It was Domeniques handwriting.You grok,man?"

   "Yeah,,it's copasetic,dude.Weird,,but I grok ya.Maybe Dale would want it." I said this since it seemed that maybe,,if somehow the garbage man had not taken the game from Johns sister,,Dale had allready apropiated it for use tonight.And him doing that seemed to negate the whole 'gotcha' theory so I didn't really want to go ahead and say I allready threw it away because it smelled like something 'dead' to John at this point.

   Having poured another cuppa,,I had allready stepped back through the living room,and was going down the hall to go into my room in order to grab my shoes and socks,while Jon was saying,,"Yeah,,Dale is weird like that,,he's allways talking about witches,spells and spirits.But not like Domenique did.I bet she would have thought he was an ass if she had ever met him.Allthough,,she liked a few movies that he went gaga over.He just talks out the side of his neck about the stuff,,she was into some of it real serious like.It creeped me out sometimes how serious she would get about some of it.And my mom didn't like talking to her about it very much either,,,she would say,,so long as it's not bad doing Domenique ain't doing bad,and that's good."

   Sitting down on my bed,cradling the handset in my shoulder and beginning to put on my socks I asked him,,"What about your Dad?How did he feel about it?Didn't I hear him say something once about how he didn't mess with anything that he couldn't see or feel and he wanted those things to the same with him,,leave him be,,right?",,John laughed,,sounding like the sadness around his sister from earlier had left him,,and responded with,," That sounds like the old man,,but he talked nice about Domenique.He did tell me some stuff about her but nothing was said like he thought she was bad,,he just seemed sad about stuff mainly,, Domenique was his oldest daughter and you know my old man,,he acts all tough with guys,me and my brothers but get him around a girl and he gets all 'sensitive' and sweet and proves he's just an overaged,overweight mammas boy trying to show the girls how cute he is.I told him he was sick that way." I replied over his laughter with,,"Yeah,right,,I just bet you did that.I would like to be there the next time you say something like that to him,,he'd reach out and touch you with that towel of his a few times and then ask you,,'how ya lak me now,sunnybo?',,wouldn't he,dude?You know he would."

   As I slid on my second shoe and tied the laces he finished laughuing and said,,"Hey,,I gotta go and I know you gotta go to work so I'll talk to you later,,okay?" , "Allright,John,,thanks for delivering the hoodoo voodoo joojoo booboo hoohoo heehee haha game.Maybe I'll give you a call on it after I get off work tonight when you're sleeping all warm and comfy in lala loo loo land.Go all Freddy Kruger on ya,man.hehehe" The last was said in an attempt at emulating that characters voice that Robert Englund made famous.

   He came back in a voice allmost exactly like Gary Colemans and said,,"Watch whatchoo talkinbout Phillis!" with the same meter and rythym as Garys famous 'whatchoo talkinbout,Willis?' line from Diff'rent Strokes."Seriously," he continued in a more serious tone,,don't play like that with that stuff,man,ya never know about some things.Domenique believed in that stuff so I may pole fun at it but I ain't gonna play with it,,and don't you dare wake me up or mess around in my dreams,dude,,I'll die of aheart atack and then haunt you till you die."

   To which I said,,"Yeah,John,,I love you too." as I stood up,took the handset off my crooked neck and shoulder,started to head to the door and then said "seeya later,John" simultaneously with Johns "Later,dude." With that I took the phone away from my ear,,poked it off.Picked my coffee up off my dresser on the way by went out to the front room to hang up the handset and head off to what was I thinking to myself was bound to be a strange night of work at the Country Club if todays events were any indication.

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Roy L. Harbin:The DANG - DInGIE American agrees with Robert Heinlein,,,'specialization is for insects'.And who want's to run with a pack of flea bitten butt sniffing mangey mutts when they can stay on the porch with the food and folks?
Hey,,you could run on over to and check out what I'm building over there.

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