Roy L. Harbin : The DANG - DInGIE American aka,, The Evil White Man

Wee!Gee! prt7 by Roy L.Harbin

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Infotainment pg1
infotainment pg 2
FIFOII - prt1
FIFOII? part 2
Wee!Gee! Intro
Wee!Gee! prt1
Wee!Gee! prt2
Wee!Gee! prt 4
Wee!Gee!prt 6
Wee!Gee! prt38

Wee!Gee! part seven by Roy L. Harbin

  Taking a wad of chips out of the pile he had in his other hand John shrugged,rolled his eyes in a dismissive way and stuffed the wad into his mouth with a loud crunching sound.Chewing loudly as he took a couple of steps toward the door he then began to hum the tune to 'Jimmy crack corn'.About the the time he reached the door he was on the 'I don't care' part when I,Mike and even Melissa,said loudly,,'You don't care!' These evidently surprised him.He hunched suddenly in that fashion folk do when they think they are about to get smaked in the vack of the head.His hand froze in midtwist on the doorknob and a fountain of chip chips flew out of his mouth.

  We three busted out in laughter as he turned around and looked at us briefly,smiling,then he simply opened the door in a snaplike motion,stepped all the way through with one quick step and shut it behind him.Even though I was laughing I noticed it was done surprisingly quiet considering the quick like motion he used.And I thought,,especially considering he had been pretty drunk earlier.As we quit laughing,,Melissa said,,"It looks like that shower sobered him up quite a bit."

  Mike said,"Poor fella." and took a big swig off his beer to wash down the mouthful of chips he was chewing on.Realizing I could use just that myself,I stood up and said,,"That's a good idea.I wonder if Cindys done in there.","She probaly passed out with the door locked." Mike said,,then continued with,"After all,,she's my girl friend,right?She passes out when and where you least want her to.","If she is,,you better get in there and get her out,dude.","I don't want to crawl through the window,man.","Too bad,,if she's passed out with the door locked,,you're gonna or I won't smoke no more with you tonight."

  Jumping up suddenly he bounced to the door and was through it in a flash.Watching him through the open door I stepped to my closet.He quick-tippy-toed to the bathroom door and tried the knob.It twisted and opened.He looked back down the hall and smiled maniacly and pushed the door open while all sort of hunched over and crook-legged,,imitating an ape or something.I couldn't really tell what it was supposed to be was it was goofy and hilarious.Laughing as I continued to my closet and lost site of him I heard Melissa laughing as well.For a moment I thought she had seen him from where she sat but as I grabbed a pair of jeans Mike came back in while still shuffling in a caricature gait stopped,cocked his head toward me at an angle and said in a gravely,monster butler voice,,'she not there master,,pleez no not let Eegar get smok'ums.", "Cool,good,thank you,Eegar.Good Eegar.Does Eegar want to go roll one for when I get out of the shower?" I said as I started toward the door with my pants in my hand,,"Yes,Master,Eegar want do that.","Go ahead then,,and be careful,,don't spill none."

  Turning and starting to walk away he says,"Yes,Master,Eegar no spill none,no spill." After a step,,he stops,,turns half back,does the head cocking thing again and asks,"Eegar,roll fat one,master?Big as Eegars thumb?"

  Chuckling,,I said,,"Make it two,,as big as Eegars pinky." and stepped toward the door again.He then said,"Which one,Master,,all Eegar has is pink ones." Hearing Melissas laughter increase,,I knew,without looking,,that he was standing there with his hands stuck out at odd angles with his fingers spread and an increased level of goofy on his face.I said,,without stopping my forward motion,or even glancing at him,,,"The one farthest from your thumb,Eegar.",,hooked the doorknob as I went by and pulled it shut behind me to cut off anymore need to respond.

  Turning back around,I quietly opened the door,,stepped quickly up behind Mike who had turned and was walking normally toward the table,,I said loudly,,"Excuse me,Mike!!",in his right ear and then went on past him.His reactionary jerk was up and away to the left which ended him up on my bed.Of course,,the hip check I did on him as I went past helped a bit.

  Bringing a squall from Mike that ended with,,'Oww,,you broke my hip!you and her are just alike,,dangerous and mean!" which brought fresh laughter from Melissa.I looked at her smilngly as I came to a stop,grabbed my drink,,took a couple of big swallows,brought it down and asked her,"Are you two really cousins?" Pausing in her laughter she said, "Yeah,, unfortunately we are."

  Taking another swift swallow,,I set it down said,"Well,it's not your fault,don't feel too bad over it.",,and left the room without pause while Mike was saying ,"Awww,,I smooshed the chips.Look what you caused,dude." As I shut the door behind me I seen John coming out of Dales room with the ouijie board game in his hand.Looking at me as he shut the door he was clearly bugging.His eyes literally looked like the eyes of the black kids in the old black and white shows,like,little rascals and our gang,,when they get all scared like in a haunted house or such.As I started to ask him,"What's wrong?",,music suddenly came from my room and the silence in the house ended.He relaxed a bit,,the silence ending must have lessened his spooked feeling.Yet,,stepping towards me slightly,,he asked,in a slightly breatheless,,'almost' trembling voice that cracked a little,"Did they take the board with them when they left?" Looking at his eyes which,although not quite as bad at first,,were still buggy I replied with,"I didn't see it on either one of 'em.Why?"

  Holding the box up and opening it with his left hand,,he said,,"It's gone,,only the pointer thing is here." Looking in the now open box I could see the planchette as it slid from the side closest to me toward the left back corner.Then I realized that the box was about as level as it could have been,,maybe not perfect,,but no where near off level far enough to cause such a quick slide,,in that direction,especially.John had opened it with his left hand,,so logically it should have slid back toward his left,,not mine.

  John had evidently notice this unusual,unexpected violation of accepted as true laws of physics and slammed the lid closed and put it on the ground firmly.Squatting down over it with both hands on the lid he looked up at me and asked,,"Do you have any tape?I don't want it getting out." When I just looked at him,,trying to assimilate what I had justwitnessed,,and definitly feeling that swirling,sucking,abysmal chasm leading into the Twilight Zone firmly latch onto my ass and begin a slow,,allmost miniscule drawing,,barely noticable,,yet definite pulling sensation toward it,,he looked at me rather desperately and asked,,"You seen that didn't you?"

  When all I managed to get out was,,'uhh',,he hurridly said,,"Please tell me you seen that,too." Actually getting a word out this time I said,"It looked like to me that it moved in a way other than it should have,,yes,John.I seen it,too."

  He just continued to stare at me.Clearly he was mentally stuck,,he was thouroughly freaked out and I could tell he wasn't going to move from that position unless I did something.Of course,,right at that moment I felt rather stuck myself since I was being pulled into the Twilight Zone ass first.A sure indicator of that was that my narrator voice chipped in with,,'well,,if ya don't move,,it will suck your ass in and since you're all ass,,that'd be all she wrote buddy ro,,Move It,moron!!'

  Bending down and grabbing the edge of the box closest to me with my right hand I said,"Let me have it,John." He hadn't taken his eyes of my face but when I said that he remained about as blank as if I had spoken in Swahili or something equally foriegn and incomprehensible to him."John,,let me have it.",,still no real comprehension,,the voice said,,'one more time'.Before I began to speak I reached down with my left hand and grabbed the far right corner of the box.

  A skittery sliding sound came from the box and John and I both let go of it at the same time.Heeding the voice when it said,,'grab it,quick',I snatched it with both hands,,one on each end.The sounds coming from the box and the feel of it seemed to be as if the planchette went back and forth slightly in a left and right motion then slid to a point directly opposite me against the farther side of the box.I wanted to drop it but with,'hold on to it,,the box is closed and you're hands have to be stronger than it is,,it don't got no muscles' ringing in my head I watched John scramblingly stand up and back away down the hall towards Dales bedroom door.As far as an outsider viewing the scence could have told by his reaction,,I was holding a bomb about to explode with the slightest bump,,like the old movies about when someone's moving nitro.

  I stood up,turned,and,,,admittedly,,holding it as if it may as well have been nitro,,I headed quickly to the kitchen and said over my shoulder to John as I went,"Come open the door so I don't have to let go of it,John."

  As I got to the door,,I turned to see John peeking around kitchen wall.Snapping at him,,I said,"John,,open the door,dude.I got this,come on!"

  He came,,as if he was approaching a rattlesnake or a lion,,but he came,God Bless him,,he came and opened the door,,leapt through it like a rabbit escaping one of those beasts,,totally skipping the steps.Darted around to the garbage cans and snatched the lid off the nearest one.

  Following him closely but using the steps I went around to the open totally empty can and started to drop it in.My narrator voice said,,'wait,,you need something to put on it.' Pausing,,I looked around as John said,,"Drop it in, dude,,I'll put the lid on it right away!"

  The only thing around that was nice and heavy was one of the big 12" by 12" patio paver stones making up one quarter of the yard along the southern end of the back of the house."Hey,John,,go grab one of those pavers over there." As he dropped the can lid and scurried to get one,I quickly swapped my hand position to where I had my right hand on top and my left hand on bottom of the box by the time he came back with the paver stone.As I moved my hands,,I felt that horrible scrabbly sensation through the box and heard the skittery slidey sound move to the far right side.

  "John,listen carefully,,it moved,,dude,,it moved to that end there," I motioned to the end it was in with my head and eyes,,and continued with,,'Now,,I want you to lay one corner of that paver on THAT end and slide it over onto the top of the box while I put my left hand under the box so I can hold it with both hands.Okay?Got that?"

  "Yeah,,got it.","Are you ready?","Yeah,,I'm ready,,are you ready?","Yeah,,I'm ready."

  A moment went by with neither of us moving.I asked again,,"You ready?","Yeah,,I'm ready,,You?","Yeah,,on three." He put the edge of the paver lightly on the end of the box.The skittery sound almost caused him to drop the paver so I quickly slid the box firther under the it and swiftly put my left hand on top.Moving it away from Johns now empty hands I asked,,"Can you go inside and look on the mantle over the fireplace and see if there is a roll of tape there?I want to tape this shut in case it opens on the ends when it smashes into the bottom of the can."

  "Yeah,,I can do that." he replied while his eyes remained fixed in the box and his feet and legs remained as still as the pavers still laying on the ground where he got this one I had clamped down on the box from.

  "John,,soon.Like now!" ,"Yeah,,right." Once he got moving,,he disappeared like the Flash,,leaving a blur of blue denim and dark brown skin tone in his wake.Leaving me standing there holding the box,the paver and a ever lessening grip on this side of the Twilight Zone.

(intro) (prt1) (prt2) (prt3) (prt4) (prt5) (prt6) (prt7) (prt8) (prt9) (prt10) (prt11) (prt12) (prt13) (prt14) (prt15) (prt16) (prt17) (prt18) (prt19) (prt20)


Roy L. Harbin:The DANG - DInGIE American agrees with Robert Heinlein,,,'specialization is for insects'.And who want's to run with a pack of flea bitten butt sniffing mangey mutts when they can stay on the porch with the food and folks?
Hey,,you could run on over to and check out what I'm building over there.

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