Roy L. Harbin : The DANG - DInGIE American aka,, The Evil White Man

Wee!Gee! prt33 by Roy L. Harbin

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FIFOII - prt1
FIFOII? part 2
Wee!Gee! Intro
Wee!Gee! prt1
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Wee!Gee! prt38

Wee!Gee!part thirty three by Roy L. Harbin

       Grabbing one of the pints of Everclear I sucked a sip and chased it with a fresh opened Pepsi before sliding it under the drivers seat from the rear and grabbing an olive green black and white paisley patterned bandana out of my rucksack.
       Dropping the re-closed Pepsi on the front seat I backed my butt out of the rear seat and into a pair of hands which began kneading my cheeks like dough while a voice said in my ear,"We gotta make sure we take time out from fighting the forces of evil to let you do some nasty stuff to me like you promised,mr.heeroh."
       "Can a heeroh do nasty stuff to the damsel in distress?Or is that against union rules?" I asked while turning to grab a much softer,plumber set of cheeks than mine were with both hands.
       "I think it's up to the damsel." She replied and kissed me deeply then stepped back a bit,swatted me and exclaimed mock maddly,"Hey!I'm not the damsel in distress!And if you touch her nasty nasties ,,you ain't getting no where near my nasty fun parts,,hero from a dream or not,buddyroh!"
       Laughing before grimacing and saying,,"Eeeew!You don't have to worry about that!I've seen what she's stuck in there!Uugh!" I skipped away and walked around to get in and crank the car up as she dropped into her seat through the open door and picked up my soda to take a big swallow from it.
       Twisting the cap back on she looked at me with a serious look on her face,belched and said,"I could use a shot of something."
       'Leg,,or liquor,,or,,?" I began while reaching down and far enough under my seat to fish the pint bottle out and paused to watch a very,very faint Reez tip his hat at me from his cross legged perch on Sky's hood as my hand slid along the handle of his knife.
       Pointing at him with my left hand I said to Melissa,"Say hi to Reez.He's sitting on my hood." while nodding my head in aknowledgement to him.
       She looked at me wide eyed then peered out the windsheild staringly trying to see him while whispering,"Really?No shit?"
       "No,,no shit,sweetie.A freakin ghost!" I growled then I chuckled at his reaction which was to wave his hands around as a low barely hearable mournful,,'ooohaaahhoooha-oohaahhhooo' drifting into my ear.
       "What?What are you laughing at?" Melissa asked excitedly and a little scared like.
       I keep my eyes on Reez and told her,,"He's trying to scare you,,act scared." with a smirk directed right at him.
       She let out a scream worthy of Jamie Lee C. and I watched Reez actually jump up off the hood about 2 feet in the same instant my own startled reaction brought my hand off the knife and slammed the back of the base of my thumb against a piece of the understructure of my carseat making me let out an "ow,shit!" before breaking out into rash of belly busters.
       Unable to respond to Melissa's allmost alarmed sounding repeated questions of,,"What did he do?What?What happened?" with anything but teary eyes and hoots of laughter mixed with snickers,chortles,gasping,giggles,oohs and ahhs while I still managed to reach back under the seat and retrieve the puregrain and the knife,,hand the bottle to her and look around through the tears of laughter untill I spotted Reez form slowly in a standing position beside the front right fender twisting his hat in his hands.
       I couldn't really tell through the spasms of laughter shutting my fluid filled eyes but I thought it looked like he might have actually been shaking,,I tried shutting my eyes but it happened whether I was looking at him or not.So I put the knife back under the seat so I didn't have to look at his now plainly and obviously visible quaking.That did not a bit of good.It refreshed and redoubled the force of my guffaws each time the thought rose back up in my mind.
       Maybe three to five minutes later I had wound down to more giggles and chortles with less boomers and managed to tell Melissa what had happened while trying to wipe my eyes dry using my still folded bandana.
       After a couple of broken up repeated tries she finally understood and succumbed to the visual,,and most likely her nervousness due to the personal role she had in the event added a boatload on her,,which caused her to bust out in more than a few rounds of her own beautiful brand of full out laughter.
       Having managed to get my own funny bone under a better bit of control I again grabbed the knife and found Reez.He was standing next to my car door,his hat now on his head which was leaned in the window near my own.
       Moving his head toward mine I heard his faint whispery voice say,,"easier and quick." right before my vision became obscured by the now rather opaque neck and body my head was immersed in and I knew that his body had been placed in a body bag yet was still laying in his grave area so he could manifest weakly like this but wasn't sure how long it would be undisturbed.He would watch out for me when and while he could,Melsissa was adorable and that he wanted me to tell her that he said hello and to please don't scream like that again,he's sorry.
       His humor flavored the face that became visible as he backed out of my head to point at her and wave his hand friendly like in her direction.
       I spoke to her over my shoulder while looking at the vapourous visage of the dead black man to tell her,,"He said hi Melissa and that he's sorry,please don't scream like that again." Then turning to look at her again incredulous face I added,"He's waving at you now."
       Pointing past me with a hand held low and a cocked pupplylike sideways tilted head she mouthed,'Outside your window?'
       "Yeah." I jerked my thumb at him while adding,"Right there." and actually stuck it into his head,snatched it back,said,"Sorry,Reez." then turned to say ,"I just poked my thumb in his face,literally."
       Her eyes popped a little wider at that and then she timidly raised a hand,waved it a bit,sort of like a beauty queen might,smiled like a deer caught in the headlights and said,"Hello,Mr.Reez."
       "Okay,,introductions over?" I looked at him and he nodded,,bobbing up and down cartoonishly,smiling extra large and toothy.
       "Anything else for now?"
       His head started going in the other direction and his smile remained.
       Indicating the knife in my hand I asked,,"After I put this away will you hang around watching me and her like an invisible back alley peeping tomcat?"
       He stood up exaggerating his head wagging even more while crossing an outstretched finger over his chest then holding his hand up like someone swearing in court before holding both palms out to me and making a motion like he was looking everywhere but at us.
       Chuckling I asked,"Are ya sure?I don't want no audience while I woo a lady.Please."
       Again with a heart crossing gesture while the head went back and forth,all traces of a smile vanished and the heart crosser turned into a finger waggler as Reezes form mistified and the bushes behind him popped into crystal clearness.
       "And,,he's gone." I said before sliding the knife back under my seat.
       "Wow." Melissa sort of whispered that and took a sip out of the Everclear bottle.I giggled a little the watched her do the eaxct same thing two more times while I began sweeping my hair back with my hands and then flipped my bandana out of it's square folds to turn it triangular.  
       "That's what I said." I remarked in a funny accented voice before I looked in her face.Seeing her sitting there silently watching me put my bandana on with eyes wide and a rather pale cast to her skin made me ask,,"You going to be okay,Melissa?" while I continued tieing,tightening and tucking the green colored cloth onto my skull.
       She twisted the cap back on the bottle then grabbed an open Pepsi,took several swallows,belched a tad then replied with,,"whew,,Yeah,,I'll be okay.I think."
       Picking up the pure grain off the seat,,I quickly copied what she did with my nagger doing the wows in between while I glanced around the lot to see who may have been around to witness what was undoubtedly a weird series of events,,and as my nagger reminded me about my,'hitting liquor while behind the wheel.'
       Finishing with that and tucking the bottle back next to Reezes knife,I turned to Melissa who was silently staring at me in between casting nervous glances around us.
       "Is he gone gone?"
       "Well,,even if he is still here,,we won't know it unless I look for him,,right?So,,let's just say,,If he's honest he isn't."
       "Okay,,then." she said with a big sound of relif."Can we go to the beach now?I think I want to go swimming."
       "Why of course,m'lady."
       I cranked the cars engine,put my foot on the brake and the shifter in reverse then paused to look around as the booz bred belly warmth began to spread out before backing out."Hey,,light one of those spliffs for the rest of the ride,,it ain't gonna take long atall now,sweetie.Ya ain't afeerd of a little bit o'speed,are ye,ma'am?"
       Shaking her head no with a big smile on her face she pulled one out and torched it up while I had to wait for a truck to pass north bound before I could pull out onto the south bound side of A1A amid a fair to middlin cloud of blue smoke with a decent squall from Sky's Firestones.
       My speedo was approaching 70 by the time it took Melissa to take a big hit off the joint and hand it off to me.Taking it from her using only periphial vision I hit it quickly while she turned up the radio enough that the Bellamy brothers "let your love flow' could be loudly heard over the wind whipping in the windows and the motors growling blowing out the glasspaks under us.
       Holding the moderate hit I handed it back while peering past the small white truck whose tailgate I was rapidly approaching in order to gauge oncoming traffic.
       My nagger exclaimed,,'clean and green!' after none was seeable and I flicked Sky's reins slightly to pop around the pickup and let off enough to keep my speed around 80.
       Glancing briefly at Melissa looking at the truck as we passed I was pleased to see that there was no fear in her eyes,,just a gleam that twinkled and glittered brightly as she brought the doob to her lips and watched the road rush under the hood of the car as the trees and bushes to our sides became a blurry green wall.
       I emptied my lungs by asking her,,"You like?Or is it too much?" in a loud and clear manner while a slight head rush played around at the top of my neck and base of my skull.
       She paused in her toking and responded with a very enthusiastic,"I love it!!",then finished her hit and handed back to me with a delighful breath holding grin.
       Keeping my eyes on the road ahead of me where I could see a vehicle coming on and one coming up I hit and passed then squirmed into my seat to fit my butt into it better.
       Glancing at my speedo to see it at 78 I waited till the on comer whipped past with a swooshing sucking kind of sound and then pressed the pedal a bit.
       Focusing ahead I waved her next hand off away as my nagger tracking places passed on the mainly straightish barrier island road. 'prang' and I floated left into the other lane to lazily pass the now identifiable as a vw van vehicle ahead of me,,,'Marty's cove,,coming up on Barkys', which started a slight veer of the road to the east so with 'and the Ditch is ditched,,' a clear view ahead and a quick speed check,,I gave Sky a pat and we started approaching the other side of 100.
       From the passengers side I heard a sincere sounding "Yeah,baby!" cutting through the middle of the half finished tune and responded with a "Yeee-Haaaaawww!!" like someone who lived there.
       'small hunger gone,,approaching rich mans playgrounds,,eyes front!' came the navigating naggers reminder and I refocused down the two laner to spot a car coming on.
       In a flash we were past it,,undoubtedly leaving what turned out to be a small toyota of some kind rocking in our blasting wind wake.The few and occasional house drives scattered along the next few miles flicked past,sucking the cars heavy sound wavefront off to make a blip of less roar letting the tunes blare across our ears.
       'Don da Dudes house,,the oslo straight shot river crossing,,pot heads bay,,that place you wound up from going out on the river with your brother and running out of gas in the boat,,mistress pool lovers beach house,,critters secret oyster beds,,'
       No other vehicles showed up untill we had gobbled up the distance to Round Island,,where I backed off a bit since there was a good chance someone may be pulling out onto or jumping across A1A to get to the creek on the river side.
       The glass paks gurgled as I decelerated to about 65 and said to Melissa,,"That's not a bad place at times,,either side!" while the Belammy's conveniently faded to be replaced by Toto urging us to hold the line.
       Once clear of the intersecting roads I said "Not far at all now!"and gave Sky the boot again.
       Taching her out for the last bit of the trip I seen her speedo cry out at 115 before easing her backed to about 95 then letting off a quarter inch or so prior to taking my foot all the way off her to let the cherry bombs explode just the way I lile them to.
       Giggling a bit to myself over what I thought sounded like a cars version of a jake brake I stifled my nagger so I could hear Melissa over the burbling pipes,blaring radio and wind hums now in my ears.
       "I love that!They sound great!"
       That made me like her even more and caused my nagger to bust it's stifle with,,'awwriiight dude!she likes goin' fast in loud cars,tokin',smokin',roknrollin',drinking,sex,she trusts you for some reason,,and has had at least one nasty dream about you,,dude,,shes a keeper or I ain't your better sense,,'
       Drifting south of Big Hunger I decelerated without braking until I came up to where the turn was a quick drop down a sharply inclined asphalt skirt about ten foot long.
       Waiting untill I was almost exactly abreast the cut off I tapped my brakes,blared out,,"Hold your hat!" and ducked off the road to swoop down and into the sandy floored peppertree tunnel.
       Having taken the first cut that twisted to the right at a pretty quick pace I told her,"I hope no ones coming out this way." after she turned down Totos pleadings.
       "Oh?Me too!" she replied with a giggle and began peering ahead to watch for that possibility coming to pass.
       "You want me to relight this?" she asked showing me the inch and a half doobs remains.
       "Naw,,it looks like the wind tore it up pretty good.And let's see who or what is here before we pull out a fresh one,,'kay?"
       "Sure.Is your soda hot?I'll grab you another one.","Cool,,but ya might want to wait a minute,,it get's a little rough right,,,about,,here,,"
       Twisting the wheel to steer through a switch back with a pretty intense double dip littered with tree roots stretching across them making for a cobblestone feel to the curving whoopdedoos.
       Holding on against the cars wild motion Melissa made no noises to indicate anything but pleasure as I let out a series of "alley ooups and whoos" until we got through that and broke out into a clear area which revealed a line of Australian Pines stretching to the north and clear blue sky dotted with average beautiful Florida beach clouds over sea grapes lining the top of the dune line falling away to the south on the east of typical beachland scrub fields.
       Directly ahead,on this side of and at the base of the first three huge pines of the line was a flat topped mound with some sea oats,sea grapes and assorted other small bushes growing around it's sloping sandy edges and a flat stone fireplace with about 10 foot of chimney in front of which was Mike standing in front of Cindy sitting on a cooler.
       "Great!He got the spot.We can get our grub on in style!" I said happily then turned to the right to park on the beach side of Cindys van right along side a huge pole about two and a half foot across and maybe 40 feet long somebody in the past maybe laid like a bulwark to keep the seaside dune drift from filling the flattened space up too readily.
       Popping my door open even before I cut Skys engine off I reveled in the fragrant Florida beach breeze blasting in then shut her down.
       The heat from the motor and exhaust wafted out and around to whip through the car as Melissa opened her door,stood up and whooped before saying,"At last,at last,,we be at the beach!"
       I stood up and out to look around at the day and the waves just visible through the gap the path to the beach made in the sea grape bushes.
       The horizon was darkened with the oncoming nights advance westward making the it's low clouds to the east a dark violet and soft lavender backdrop for the countless bright white and pale blueish cottonballs of various sizes and shapes marching ahead of it.
       Smiling at the idea of how the water would probally feel right now I reached back in the car to grab my ruck,drop it on the drivers seat and start untieing my Pumas while looking over the car roof at Melissas smile under the windblown halo her beautiful brown hair had become.
       "Hey,,ya ready to get wet?" , "Yeah,,man."
       "Wanna race?Can you get your clothes of faster than I can?"
       She just laughed at that while I stood in my now de-footed shoes and quickly undid my belt,unsnapped my pants,whipped my levis down to my ankles,,spun,,sat on my ruck,,snatched my socks off followed by the pants,stood back up and had my cash out and slid into the right hand pocket of my cutoffs and tucked my pants and socks into the ruck to suddenly stop and realize,,"I didn't being my flipflops!"
       Melissa,,pulling her shirt up over her head to reveal a cute blue bikini top holding a wonderful set of girl bumps said,,"You're at the beach,,ya don't need any."
       I followed up,,"Have you ever walked around barefoot under Australian Pines before?" by pointing at the huge trees jutting out over the path to the beach and the rest of the area to the north of us and then adding,,"Look down." After following my ponting then my suggestion,,she said,,"oh,,ow."
       Mike,,who was walking toward us from the mound with Cindy in close tow called out,,"Hey ya'll,,Cindy's mom gave us a box of beach stuff,,come check it out!" before Cindy chimed in with,,'Beach balls,frisbees,sunglasses and a bunch of other stuff."
       "Ya got any flipflops?" I asked as I hesitated to step off my Pumas,caught my balance,then pulled my shirt off over my head to swing it onto my drivers seat.
       "Yeah,,I think!" came Cindys reply as they opened the back of the van and she rummaged around saying,,'visors,snorklemask,a beer hat,,yard darts,,a football,,haha!inflatable waterwings!Here they are.4 pairs of flipflops,,how big are your feet?"
       "Smaller than my ears,,it don't matter,lady,I ain't choosy,,I'm just without.Toss me a pair,please,ma'am.I got tough feets and all that but these pine cockles are a real pain in my ,,feet.Hep me pleez.Pleez,pleez." I responded while her and Mike began quietly squabbling over something between them which ended with him turning and tossing me a pair of fipflops through the air to bounce off my car roof and get caught by my lunging left hand before they sailed past my head.
       Having scooped them down I pulled apart the little elastic band holding them together and dropped them at my feet so I could step off of my squashed sneakers and slide my foot into the canvas thongstrap of the beachbums rubbery soled standard foot wear as Mike and Cindys unintelligable laugh filled conversation drifted to my ears.
       Getting my second foot into the almost too small foot wear I picked up my Pumas and dropped them on the floorboard then leaned in to scoop the pak of spliffs into my ruck and do the same with my Winstons after pulling one out,hollering out,,"Ha!Ha!The laughs on youse guys,,I like 'em a tad small!",,and lighting it.
       Melissa,,who had peeled out of her pants and was sitting there in a strip of cloth the same color as her top and almost useless for concealing much of anything except the actual gates of delight was looking at me with a great big smile on her face which prompted me to say,,"Hey,,you know,,if we race,,I'm gonna lose no matter how slow you go."
       "You go ahead,,I think I overestimated my courage when I picked this one."
       "Huh?You ain't gonna go get wet?Awww!"
       "Yeah,,,but not just yet.My butts hanging out of this.I gotta figure something else out."
       "How much do you like your pants?I have a really sharp knife."
       "I don't want to use Reezes knife.","No,,not that one."
       I dug out my Buck,handed it to her,said "Use this if you need to." then closed my rucksack and turned to jump up over the log and race to the path hollering like a senseless idiot.
       Topping the ridge and crossing the stretch of hot sand lined with seaweed hightide markers I let the newly acquired flipflops fly off my feet as I hit the damp packed sand that the receeding tides was leaving exposed and then slowed to a walk as I realized any water deep enough to dive into was several yards away still.
       Laughing at my self,,I turned in the now barely knee deep water to see John carrying a boogie board over his head coming through the path doing as I did except as he got to the waters edge he hollered,"Heads up!!",,slung his board hard and fast ahead of himself then speed up to leap onto it and fly past me whooping until he hit a small in coming wave,shouted,"Bonsai!!",,and flipped himself head over heels to land on his back in slightly deeper water.
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Roy L. Harbin:The DANG - DInGIE American agrees with Robert Heinlein,,,'specialization is for insects'.And who want's to run with a pack of flea bitten butt sniffing mangey mutts when they can stay on the porch with the food and folks?
Hey,,you could run on over to and check out what I'm building over there.

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